For Nikolas - 21 Tips For Turning 21

21 Tips For Turning 21


Dear Nick, as I’m sure that you are well aware, you turned 21 this week.  J  I’m so proud of you and I am in awe at the brilliant young man you have become.  I can’t wait to see the next 21 years and beyond because I know that you will make an extraordinary life for yourself.  I know I’ve passed on MUCH  <don’t roll your eyes> advice to you at this point.  But I thought I’d add just a few more tips.

To My Son Nikolas on his 21^st birthday:

1.  Never looking at your budget and never making a budget is the exact same thing.

2.  The possibility for greatness and embarrassment both exist in the same space. If you’re not willing to be embarrassed, you’re probably not willing to be great.

3.  Feel no shame in seeking help from a counselor or therapist. We all have crap we try to wrap and hide under the Christmas tree. Get rid of it before it smells up your entire holiday.

4.  All job listings on Craigslist lead you to a warehouse downtown “wearing something nice with shoes you can walk in”.  Or they are porn related asking you also to "wear something nice".

5.  Don’t ever, ever check Facebook when you’re:
A.  Depressed
B.  Drinking.
C.  Depressed and Drinking
D.  Depressed and Drinking and then making phone calls at 3:00 in the morning

6.  You are your most valuable asset.  Take care of yourself first. I know you love to step in and be everything for everybody.  Believe me, they won’t return the favor.  Ever. 

7.  Your twenties will produce more failures than you’ll choose to remember. The key is when you fail, don’t begin calling yourself a failure.

8.  Every break up has two break ups. I’m no physicist, but this is a law of physics, of this I am certain. Yes you’ll have the first tearful “It’s over” sitting in the front of the TV and wondering if it would be a big deal if you never went out again. Then 1-2 months later after there’s “been talk”, you’ll have the “real breakup”. And gird those loins because in the second break up there will be a lot more breaking.  That’s when you realize it’s really over.  It hurts.  Don’t weather it alone.  You have a huge support group of friends and family. 

9.  Reckless drinking and reckless flirting have a direct correlation. Friends don’t let friends drive, or flirt, drunk.

10.  Row  your own boat. 

11. Don’t ever let anyone tell you who you are.  You are a wonderful person and, just because someone else is trying to bring you down, don’t let them do it.  Because at that point they win.  If you maintain the control of your own thought, actions and feelings then there isn’t a person on the planet who can tell you who you are. Be strong. 

12. (This one is from Grandpa) If you are out drinking, cut yourself off when you can’t remember your own name.  I think that was a joke.

13.  (This on is from Grandma) This is some of the best advice I’ve ever gotten so pay very close attention.  “Always act like you are supposed to be there and that you know exactly where you are going and no one will ever question you.”  Now there are some very funny stories attached to this wisdom but if I shared them here, Mom would kill me and bring me back to life just so she could kill me again.  Hehe Seriously, she is the best of the best when it comes to giving good advice.  She’s also good and giving out Patsy Cline tapes when you are broken hearted and need to have a cathartic moment. 

14.  Life will never feel like its “supposed to”. Being twenty-something can feel like death by unmet expectations. However, let me be so brash to say that you are right now, at this moment, exactly where you need to be. But you’ll only be able to see that five years and thirty-eight days from today.

15.  Make mistakes.  Everyone does but they just like to act like they don’t.  Make mistakes, figure out what happened or make amends, and then MOVE ON.  Your mistakes don’t define you.

16. Marriage WILL NOT fix any of your problems. No, instead marriage will put a magnifying glass on how many problems you really have. We grow up carrying bags with our insecurities, fears, bad relationships, problems with our parents — you name it. Begin to ditch these bags now.

17.  An assortment of crappy jobs are a twenty something rite of passage. Figure out what you need to learn there and learn it. If you don’t, an assortment of crappy jobs might be your thirty, forty and fifty something rite of passage as well.

18.  Great ideas alone mean nothing. Your ability to persevere through 16 major setbacks, a lack of passion, forgetting why you started this great idea in the first place, and all the people who allude that your great idea is actually quite terrible — well, that means everything.

19.  The grass is always greener on the other side, until you get there and realize it’s because of all the manure.

20.  Constantly try to reduce your attachment to possessions.

21.  Family is family forever.  Remember that and treat them that way accordingly.  You may not think you need this much family right now but you do.  You just don’t realize.  Remember how blessed you are to have people who care about you.

Remember that no matter what, I love you.  And that you are special and worthy just for being you. 

Happy Birthday Nikolas!