The Incoherence of the Conservative Christian Position

While watching “Wife Swap” last night I was disturbed and frustrated by the homophobic attitude of the “Christian” family.  Now, you might argue that the basis of that sentence is, in itself, a contradiction.  After all, it is a reality show and not something that anyone should look to for a lesson in spirituality, morality, or humanity.  Being that it’s main function is to entertain us, do we really need to take it that seriously?  But when the children argued that a person can choose not to be gay just like someone can choose not to be a murderer, I had to take it seriously.  Did we really just compare being gay to being a killer?  I’m surrounded by so many open-hearted and open minded people that sometimes I get startled when I see such blind ignorance.  And it’s frustrating to me when people hide behind religion and refuse to grow or challenge themselves to learn.

The leaders of the Christian right don't seem interested in acknowledging the complexities that surround the issue of homosexuality. They have glossed over the difficult questions and gone straight for the emotional jugular, talking about family values, the future of our children, and the decline of our nation, in order to rally an American moral majority behind them. But once again, what they are really concerned about is pushing their Christian moral agenda because, let's face it, they don't really care what the majority of Americans think.

Let's go back to the question of whether homosexuality is a choice. Let's say, for the sake of argument, that Christians are right in believing that it is a choice, so that once same-sex marriage is legally approved in society, numerous people begin converting to the "gay lifestyle" and the number of same-sex marriages begin to rival that of heterosexual marriages. What if homosexuals were to manage a moral majority that began to view heterosexuality as unnatural? Or perhaps more realistically, a majority that viewed the church's religious prohibition against same-sex marriage as illegal discrimination? Imagine how it would be for them as a Christian right religious community to have to fight for their civil liberty against such an onslaught. That is exactly the position they have put the gay community in when they rally public opinion against their right to marry.

Now let me settle here and now the issue of whether or not a church should have the right to refuse to perform marriages for same sex couples.  The answer is a resounding “YES”.  That is the whole problem with this issue.  It’s a matter of civil rights.  Some churches will not perform a marriage for someone unless they are members of that church.  Is that discrimination?  No.   A church and it’s members should have the freedom to worship and follow the tenets of that religion as they see fit.  And that is exactly how far the government and our churches should mix.  We guarantee the right to Freedom of Religion and that should be the extent of it.  The problem is we don't feel the need to go to such lengths to safeguard our religious freedom because we smugly take for granted that it will always be there. Such complacency has blinded us from seeing how we actually threaten religious freedom when people dismiss gay rights on the grounds that homosexuals choose their life.

Are Christians afraid that supporting same-sex marriage will send a message to the gay community that Christians approve of homosexuality? Well, believe me, the gay community is under no such delusion. For years they have listened to arguments against homosexuality ad nauseam and can even quote all the pertinent Bible verses back by heart.  Tell me this, have you read Leviticus lately?  Do you associate with people with tattoos or pierced ears?  Shame on you.  Do you own any clothing that is made with two different fabrics?  Oopsie, that’s in there too.  Guess you aren't the Christian you thought you were after all. 

If the Christian community so concerned about the message being sent, why not look at it as sending a message that they approve of committed relationships and sexual responsibility? Aren't these the values worth fighting for and worth encouraging?

It is high time that we grow up and learn to play fair. Freedom for us means freedom for someone else too, even our fellow Americans in the gay and lesbian community. Is that too high a price to pay? Of course not. Civil liberties is what gives us the freedom to pursue our moral convictions in this country in the first place. It is what guarantees a future for ourselves and our children in which we will be able to practice our religious beliefs free of harassment and fear.

I’ll close with two of my favorite quotes from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.  In the end, when I see people speaking out of fear and ignorance, I can’t be angry.  I just have to hope that their hearts and minds are opened to love.  There was a point in the history of this country when people stood up for civil rights even when it wasn’t popular or easy.  And we will keep standing and keep fighting until we really are all treated as equally as we are created.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable... Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Hello Karma My Old Friend

I'm not even going to do my usual check on Snopes to see if this is real or not.
I'm going to just choose to believe that it's true because it's AWESOME!  

"Song Bomb, Song Bomb" For Fun it’s a Wonderful Toy...

First let me say that I fully realize that putting up a blog post with the word "bomb" in it will probably put me on the "No Fly" list and might possibly result in the government tapping my phone.  Does that mean that I should occasionally pick up my phone and play random obnoxious songs?  Can you "Song Bomb" the Department of Homeland Security?  Just in case someone in some government cubicle is reading this, I have an entire "Weird Al Yankovic" collection and I'm not afraid to use it.  

(Side note - Spell Check wants to turn "Yankovic" into ordovician.  I don't know what that is but it sounds like some kind of weird phobia of Papal Conclaves or something like that.)  

Now, let's get to the heart of the matter.  "The Art of Song Bombing"

"Song Bombing" - when you have a song stuck in your head and the only way to get rid of it is to mention it to someone else so the song will pass from your head to theirs.  It is a proven remedy for removing annoying or obnoxious songs from your head.  4 out of 5 doctors endorse this technique.  We would have gotten the approval of that 5th doctor but we ran out of bribe money.  

Facebook makes the perfect vehicle for "Song Bombing" because you can attach the matching You Tube clip to really cement that song in someone's head.  Of course, there is always the risk of the "Self Song Bomb".  This is when you try to send a song back to someone but then it sticks in your head too and won't go away.  

So pass it along.  Get creative.  Spread your creative wings.  

In closing, CLICK HERE.  You've been "Song Bombed"!  

We're Turning Our Daughters Into Victims

On the way into work today I was listening to radio coverage of the story from Steubenville.  If you are unfamiliar with the story click here.  During the course of the story, the victim is quoted as saying that she liked one of the guys she was with and she thought that he would look out for her.  And that's when it hit me, we are turning our daughters into victims.  

I grew up during the coming of age over the topic of sexual assault.  We all learned that you don't deserve to be assaulted no matter how you dress, or what you do, or how you act, or what you say.  And those are all good things.  But we seem to have stopped the conversation there.  No one deserves to be sexually assaulted.  Common sense.  The right thing.  True.  But there is more to the conversation than that.  We have given our young women the absolute assurance that "no means no" and that is a badge that will somehow protect them under any circumstances.  And because we have ended the conversation there, we are turning our daughters into victims.  

Just because it's not okay to sexually assault someone, doesn't mean that you will never be sexually assaulted.  Absolutely we need to teach our children that "no means no".  But we also need to teach them to act responsibly and not put themselves into a position where they can be in harms way.  Right now, in Ohio, we have banned texting and driving.  Why?  Because the behavior is risky and puts you and others in harms way.  It impairs your driving and you could get hurt.  

Now, I'm not saying that the victim in the Steubenville case was impaired and she should then conclude that it's okay to get hurt.  What I'm saying is that if we only teach our children that "no means no" then we are only giving them half the picture.  We need to be telling our young women that if you are out, and impaired or intoxicated, then you are not doing everything that you can possibly do to maintain your safety.  The radio host suggested this idea and the phones lit up with people ripping him apart for even attempting to discuss the girl's behavior.  No one is suggesting that what happened was okay.  But as parent's we need to look at the behavior of all the kids involved in this incident and not just the two who were convicted.  And this could lead into and entirely different topic of the kids who knew it happened and did nothing to the kids who took the infamous picture of the drunk girl to the parents of all the kids involved and so on.  

What I am addressing is caller after caller today stating that under no circumstances is it okay to sexually assault someone and that's that.  But there is so much more to the conversation.  We have been brainwashed for so many years now that "no means no" and that's the end of it.  Well, "no means no" didn't help this young lady.  And her story is not that uncommon.  We all know it's not.  And Steubenville got caught in the cross-hairs of the media machine but we are fooling ourselves if we think that this isn't happened across the country every single weekend.  

So let's stop allowing our daughters to be victims and start having some real conversations with our children. If you allow yourself to drink to the point where you are too impaired to give consent, then you are putting yourself in harms way.  We can't allow our young women to only hear one side of the story.  Of course there is never a time where someone "asked for it" or "had it coming" but you also have to be smart and not put yourself in harms way.  You have to learn that you are the only one that is going to have your best interest at heart.  The things that we learned about our rights to sexual safety are very valuable but I think that we have lost sight of teaching our young people about personal responsibility.  

And I'm not saying that the boys are out of the loop on the ride to responsibility.  Not by a long shot.  But that's a whole other blog post entirely.  

By all means, tell your daughters that "no means no" but, please, I'm asking that we all continue that discussion and teach our young women how to be smart, stay safe, and be their own heroes and protectors.  

Kids Can Surprise You Sometimes

This paragraph below is from my daughter Savannah.  It explains the You Tube link for their Public Service Announcement.  I was just so moved by what these kids put together in such a short time.

Savannah wrote:

"Our school wanted to be known as the kindest school in America so they had the freshmen class do acts of kindness to raise money for a homeless foundation and tied into it.   They want to stop bullying at our school so they said that each homeroom could make a PSA if they wanted.  We, as a homeroom, came up with the concept then people said that they wanted to hold up the signs and we got to choose both words we wanted to hold up.  Also this ties into the 26 Acts of Kindness, so far just the freshmen class in 4 days have done like 3700 something kind acts and if we get to our goal of 4000 sponsors will donate money to the homeless organization in Cincinnati, and on top of all that we are collecting money and food, health supplies like tooth paste shampoo stuff like that to donate."

CLICK HERE TO VIEW PSA VIDEO

Life Is Not Like A Box Of Chocolates - It's More Like A Crazy Quilt

I've had a lot of friends lately who have been struggling with issues of perception and self-worth.  Hell, who doesn't struggle with that?  I've had friends and family for a very long time now telling me that I need to start writing, start a blog.  I have stories to tell.  But to be honest I really struggled with the idea.  It felt presumptuous to me.  I wondered, "Who am I and what do I have to offer that is so special?"  Also, it felt intimidating.  Putting myself out there and sharing my point of view seemed overwhelming and made me feel self-conscience and vulnerable.

But a very dear friend of mine reached out to me last night and shared a story.  I realized that we all have stories to share and we can all relate to each others joy and pain and fear and love and miracle and wonder and loneliness and loss and  rejoicing; we are all part of the same huge human experience and that is what connects us.  It's not just my stories I'm telling but rather I'm talking about the things that connect us, the things that make us who we are.

This theme has been all around me lately.  What are we made of and what defines us?  We all have things that we carry with us.  The things that make up our life story.  Too often we end up defining ourselves by our past and our mistakes.  We carry these experiences with us because we figure that if we carry them long enough then we can somehow "pay" for who we are or choices we may have made.  This is where I have decided that life is like a Crazy Quilt.  Each moment, each choice, each life experience gets sewn into the quilt and the sum of those parts becomes what we are as a whole.  Each piece on it's own doesn't mean anything unless it's attached to the others.  So you can take that decision or that moment that you have been carrying with you and you can let it define you or you can look at it and realize that it's just one piece of who you are.  It's not the only thing that defines you, it's just a part of your story.

So there you have it. The first of many posts and ponderings.  I'd like to thank my friends and my family for being so relentless in their pursuit of me.  :)  This is a big step out of my comfort zone.  And thank you to my friend who made me realize that I do have something worth saying.  Love you!